He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
