I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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