i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
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She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
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I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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