You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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