it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Houston, we have a squirter
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
