I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I FOUND THE LEGS
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
