I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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