i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
