My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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