When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize