I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
