Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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