Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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