I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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