my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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