Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
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