I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
