i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
