can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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