you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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