answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
