Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
