just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
