Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
