um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
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I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
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Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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