see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
