you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
