We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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