There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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