I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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