Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother