Texts From Last Night

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  (810): View more from Michigan

  I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this

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  (810): I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room (810): Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this http://tfl.nu/ax0d
  Replies (2) Good night (818) Bad night (1587)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.

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  (936): My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today. http://tfl.nu/sil6
  Replies (10) Good night (10912) Bad night (723)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick

  (541): View more from Oregon

  the rest of him looks just as crooked

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  (503): I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick (541): the rest of him looks just as crooked http://tfl.nu/114k
  Replies (14) Good night (711) Bad night (4108)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.

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  (609): I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun. http://tfl.nu/l7dj
  Replies (14) Good night (3619) Bad night (837)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.

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  (817): It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it. http://tfl.nu/48x8
  Replies (37) Good night (3672) Bad night (1262)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed

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  (573): This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed http://tfl.nu/eoyh
  Replies (17) Good night (5874) Bad night (682)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!

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  (281): FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed! http://tfl.nu/axg9
  Replies (16) Good night (1190) Bad night (5009)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way

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  (239): Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way http://tfl.nu/7r2y
  Replies (13) Good night (4486) Bad night (916)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.

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  (717): It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point. http://tfl.nu/8d6y
  Replies (8) Good night (3547) Bad night (899)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.

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  (806): I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit. http://tfl.nu/a0hw
  Replies (4) Good night (2576) Bad night (781)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing

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  (316): You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing http://tfl.nu/1k7o
  Replies (13) Good night (2298) Bad night (642)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth

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  (405): Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth http://tfl.nu/55g6
  Replies (0) Good night (938) Bad night (580)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.

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  (210): Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning. http://tfl.nu/jk8r
  Replies (1) Good night (523) Bad night (340)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?

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  (510): Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you? http://tfl.nu/34q2
  Replies (4) Good night (532) Bad night (763)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep

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  (425): So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep http://tfl.nu/ykqe
  Replies (3) Good night (685) Bad night (233)

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