oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
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Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
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I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.