he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?