Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
That's an oxymoron.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.