Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
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My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
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Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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