Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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