Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
it glows. i had to have it.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
