she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
