Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
