he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
