Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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