We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
