she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
