and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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