good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
