Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My bed smells like the plague
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
