I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I look better un-naked...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he fucked my hip out of place.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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