Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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