i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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