my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
