Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
