the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
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i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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