After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
