I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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