dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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