Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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