i just sent this text using only my big toe
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
