Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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