I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize