too bad you live with your parents still
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
