Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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