In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
