fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
