Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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