Whod you bang
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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