I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
