Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
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Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
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Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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